Monday, December 24, 2007

I'm Old and Decaying Rapidly

Seriously.

I've come to the realization that I'm OLD....not just getting old, but old as in "I've climbed up and over the hill, and am now skidding on my behind all the way down the other side!"

Last week, I was putting my hair back when I noticed a silver hair shimmering in the light of the bathroom. This was by no means the first gray hair I've unmercifully yanked from my 30-something head, but this was the first one that my HUSBAND noticed at the exact moment I did.

(Doh!) *Insert forehead smack here*

So he was ever so kind as to pluck the sucker out for me. Which I asked him to do. (In an attempt to hide my embarrassment, as he's a blond and you can't tell if he's going gray or not.)

Then lately I've been suffering wrist pains--and hand pains---and ankle pains---and feet pains. And my back hurts if I try to sleep in. And my legs hurt when I stand up after sitting down for more than 20 minutes.

Great. Add "arthritis" to the list of woes. Or at the very least, carpel tunnel. Which is far more likely as both my aunt and mother had to have surgery on their wrists for said ailment. But mother also has some odd form of arthritis, too. But I digress...

Then this past Friday, I noted a sharp/rough spot on one of my teeth. Dean said he'd had a similar experience but found that when you properly apply a dental pick, the offending spot vanishes.

Fair enough.

So I try said tactic, armed with a little dental mirror as well.

Let me tell you all something....

IT AIN'T a food particle or a hunk of plaque...it's a freaking HOLE in my tooth! As in...I've got my very first cavity, people!

ME! A cavity!

The woman who brushes her teeth 3-5 times per day, depending upon what she eats (ie. garlic bread, have chai breath, etc), flosses (once or twice per day) and has never ever had a single cavity in her life---not even during the 2.5 years of braces---this same woman has to get a filling?

Are you kidding me?!

So there you have it, folks. I'm old. My body is giving out on me. No longer can I do a single push-up without doing them on my knuckles. Because my wrists hurt.

No longer can I say I've been cavity-free my whole life. Because this new hole has annihilated my dental bragging rights.

No longer will I hear people say, "Oh, but you don't look old enough to have 3 kids!" Because I'll be yanking the gray hairs from my decrepit head in the nearest mirror.

Oh, and not only that, but now whenever I sneeze...I have to cross my legs. (Ahem) Those of you who've had more than one child know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

This...THIS!...is the reason why, when I was a teenager, I swore I'd be dead before I was 30.

I...am...so...depressed...

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