Friday, October 3, 2008

One Year Today

A year ago today, everything in my life changed.

Not one of the 365 days that have gone by have I not thought about baby Caleb. Not a single day has passed where I didn't think about what I could've done differently. Not a day passes that I don't miss him.

I realize there's no going back. No way of turning back the clock. But oh, how I wish I could do just that.

And while my memories still hurt, I know in time they will heal.

Through all of this, God has shown me tremendous mercy and grace.

He has allowed what happened for some yet-unknown purpose. I don't know why He chose me to be a part of it. I honestly wish He hadn't. But I have to admit, that I'm just now finally getting a taste of the peace that has evaded me for so long. Peace that only comes from acceptance, and a willingness to move forward--through the pain.

I miss you, Boo-Boo.

So Lord, if you happen to read this, please give Caleb a little hug and kiss for me. Oh, and sing Itsy Bitsy Spider, too. That was his favorite. And watch out when you take the diaper off. He seemed to smile widest when he was peeing in the open breeze. :o)

2 comments:

Rachel said...

What a loving tribute. I pray that you will feel God's peace more every day.

Pink Slippers said...

A year...a whole year since that tragic day....God has proven to be faithful and true, by your side. He is healing your wounds and refining you for His good works. I am so sorry you had this experience Denise, and although I do not understand, there is One so much greater who does and He is the One that truly matters.

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