Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Accessorize; One Piece of Duct Tape at a Time

I've been informed by my charming husband that his company's annual holiday party will be held on the 19th.

That's a mere 3 weeks away.

Three teeny, tiny, fly-by-too-fast weeks to get myself into pre-childbirth-13-10-and-8-years-ago shape.

Unbelievable.

Hmm.

I think it's time to make a trip to Costco for my two favorite reinforcements accessories; a tub of Crisco and a roll of Duct Tape. Because that's the only way I'm gonna get into my dress, people.


Seriously, why do companies torture wives this way?

I mean, it's bad enough he works with women who are still in their 20's, and who have never birthed ONE child, much less three. Now, I have to show up looking perky, with all my 30-something-year-old body parts secured tightly in place, as opposed to my usual method consisting of tucking my stomach rolls into the waistband of my jeans, and bungy-cording my rump back up where it belongs.

Above my thighs.

(Gosh, that just paints a picture, doesn't it?)

I think I'll adopt Lisa-marie's current diet of oatmeal and salad. (Plain oatmeal without my usual 1/2 pound of brown sugar on top, that is. Gee, that just sounds sooo appetizing...Not!)

Does anyone feel sorry for me? Anyone?

*Crickets chirping*

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