Monday, November 9, 2009

It Can't Rain All the Time

That's what I have to keep telling myself, at least. Despite all the extremely difficult days my family's been through lately, I have to remember that sooner or later, the sun has to peek out from among the clouds.

Sometimes a ray of sun takes on the form of a good conversation with a cherished friend, or a bottle of wine and a funny card brought over by that same friend. (Thanks again, Tina.)

Other times it comes in the form of an outpouring of generosity from friends and church family who, despite how dumb your woes seem to be in the grand scheme of things, come rushing to your aid. If it wasn't for them, our church website, family website, and a massive amount of data (some super-critical, some not so much) would be lost.

Building websites from scratch is a royal pain (to hear my husband tell it), but from the looks of things, Dean's going to be able to salvage most of the Roots website data from the failed hard drives. A few things may have to be re-done, but nowhere near what he was thinking before. And now with new hard drives and soon-to-be-refurbished drives in place, we'll have backups of the backups of the backups!

A lovely patch of sun came out yesterday in the form of time spent with my cousin, Ryan and other family members. We haven't hung out much at all, outside of hospital vigils and a depressing funeral service. He wanted to make me a margarita, which I declined. So of course, Dean made me one anyway, but it was just too bitter. So Ryan made me another one, this time adding Sprite or something to it (???). Anyway it tasted like a soda pop! I'm not sure how he did it exactly, but it was good. Until he added another shot of lime something-or-other. Then it was back to semi-gross. Oh well. I drank half of it. The rest of the evening passed by in a happy blur. However, despite what the pic to the right shows, we did not drink the Everclear. It was purely thrown in for silliness.

Anyway, as I'm trying to say in a not-so-eloquent manner, my family is trying to put the pieces back together and keep moving one foot in front of the other. However, my mom, Aunt Bobbi, Aunt Melinda and cousins are still in need of constant prayer support and encouragement. Please keep them in your minds and hearts. Their sadness and grief far exceed my own.

My son turned 11 years old on the 5th. That was also a nice, sparkly ray of sunshine. We had a very simple family party--cake, little gifts. He'll have his actual party-party this weekend. (Tons of wild 'n crazy boys coming..yikes!)

I can't believe how old they're getting. Sierra will be 14 next month (gag, choke) which hurts just to put into print, much less accept as reality. But speaking of all this--growing older, etc--I find it so interesting how time stops for no one. Whenever I'm in the midst of grieving the loss of someone I love, I think that the whole world should just stop and take notice. Why must the world and all the inhabitants thereof not just take a moment and stop what they're doing and grieve right along with me? How can snappy TV commercials be allowed to air? How can people go around smiling and having a good time?

It just seems to me that the world's perpetual motion is almost like a slap in the face. Mocking you and making you feel even worse.

But then, almost inperceptively, that constant flow of time becomes a sort of aid in itself. It doesn't take the pain away, but it does provide something else to focus on. At least for a moment. The sadness tends to envelope everything you do for a very long time (even the rest of your life), but for just a moment, the world has a way of shifting your thoughts and focus off your pain.

Well, that's my philosophic moment for the day!

I guess I should get back to work and focus on what needs to be done. My routine's nowhere near "on track" these days, but I'm trying to get it back. I did a short workout this morning, which is one of the many things I've been avoiding lately. (And my rear end's growing swath is a testament to that fact.)

Even though it's pouring down rain right now (literally), I've got my list on the table next to me, and plan to check off every single one of my tasks. I'm determined to have a productive day and make the choice to be happy.





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