Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Learning to Let Go and Press Ahead

On Sunday, January 13th, I received the terrible news that Momma Sheila Yaniv had passed away - less than 10 minutes after I'd initially heard she'd been taken to the hospital.

To say that my family and I were crushed - would be a serious understatement. For those of you on my Facebook, you may recall how Pastor David - Sheila's husband of nearly 52 years - passed away in June. To lose your two closest and dearest mentors - people who felt distinctly like FAMILY for the past 11+ years as opposed to your typical "Pastor/church member" relationship - is so very, very painful.

While I'm thrilled by the fact that these two lovebirds are reunited and dancing somewhere up there in heaven, (because let's face it; watching Momma grieve her hubby the last 6 months has been extremely painful as well!), I've found myself struggling to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The past 9 days have been so darn hard, in more ways than one.

I kept meaning to write a blog post about her, but I just couldn't make the words come. I mean, sure I'd post about her on FB, but that's where it stayed. (A few sentences here 'n there is one thing...but a whole post? No way.) Even now I can't really bring myself to do that.

On a side note, I want to say "thank you" to all my friends for their love and support. (You guys are amazing!)

Back to my story. Just this morning, I felt God - and even Momma Sheila's voice - say to me, "It's time to get up". And they weren't just telling me to get out of bed. (Because I *was* still in bed...) No. What they were saying was:

It's time to get up and push through this depressing fog.
Time to get back to living my life the way God intends for me to live it.
And most importantly...time to re-evaluate where I am spiritually and make the proper changes.

Okay. Confession time! 

I've been feeling kind of "out of it" for quite awhile now (spiritually speaking). I think a lot of it had to do with the sheer number of things I've had piled on my plate over the past few years. But now I feel as though a great paradigm shift (if you will) has taken place. And as strange as it may be to actually give CREDIT to something as horrible as death for something so positive...well, there's no other way to describe it really.

So for the first time in 9 days, I actually got up and WORKED OUT (yep, you read that right. No workouts for the past 9 days!). And you know something? I felt pretty darn good afterwards! :) And you know what else? I could've sworn I'd heard Momma say, "Now that's my girl! Onward and upward!" 

I'm ready, God. Bring it on!

PS: Momma? If you can see this, I just want you to know...that I will love you forever, and I'll like you for always. And that for as long as I'm living, my momma you'll be. xoxoxo 

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